WITH a steely determination to better my life, I downloaded the audiobook version of Untamed by Glennon Doyle, and I listened to it vigilantly as I pounded the pavement (thus taking on my other goal for 2022, exercising more).
While at times empowering, always entertaining and with pockets of useful advice — like the “You’re not crazy, you are a goddamn cheetah,” (perhaps being used as a way to convince me of the ‘crazy’ point) — I can’t say that my life was overwhelmingly bettered and that her advice was very helpful for me personally. (I do adore her though).
Admittedly, this may be in part due to the fact that I am not one to really embrace the self-help genre and other than this read and a dabble with The Secret years ago (something I don’t like to publicly admit), I have found the idea of seeking help for your life from a book written for the masses, well a bit hard to swallow.
But obviously given their multi-billion-dollar sales each year, and the broad range of topics they cover, they’re doing something to help someone. Right?!
SELF-ACCEPTANCE, SELF-COMPASSION and BELIEVING in ourselves are not skills we PERFORM WELL as human beings
Dr Paula Robinson, psychologist, CEO of APPLI and Managing Director of the Positive Psychology Institute says the self-help genre is so popular because improving the self has been a huge topic since ancient times and will always interest the human condition.
In fact, one of the highest-selling books of all time (selling over 30 million copies and counting) is Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People published in 1936. Yep, nearly 100 years ago.
“Self-acceptance, self-compassion and believing in ourselves are not skills we perform well as human beings, Self-loathing, guilt, shame, fear are much more common in our sub-vocal discussions with ourselves. We have a strong and active ‘negativity bias’ at work in our brains which helps us survive but doesn’t always contribute to our mental fitness and well-being,“ says Dr Robinson.
While there are many approaches to supporting people through all types of issues, a popular choice, and often the first port of call can be self-help books.
“Self-help books can reach people who may never reach out for therapy or learn some of the great tools and techniques we have available to assist us to have a better quality of life,” she explains.
But with thousands of titles in the self-help genre, penned by a variety of authors, on a variety of topics, selecting not only the right book but one that is actually written by an author with appropriate experience and qualifications can be like searching for a needle in a haystack- a potentially dangerous haystack at that.
“Given we now see statistics suggesting 1 in 7 primary school children, 1 in 4 adolescents, 1 in 5 workers are suffering mentally, self-help can be far too general when many people need something that is more specific for them and someone who is qualified to give that help. You wouldn’t go to a doctor and say you are unwell and expect him to give you something that hadn’t been tried and tested scientifically. Therefore, those people who write these books that have no real qualifications in the particular topic, have no idea what might harm a person — you don’t know what you don’t know,” Dr Robinson says.
Another problematic issue with self-help books, believes Dr Robinson, is that they rely on us, as the reader to improve ourselves and this is not always possible.
“Of course, ‘self-help’ puts the responsibility back onto us to improve ourselves and this can be quite harmful, particularly to those who might have a mental illness or be vulnerable or feel like they are struggling. Sometimes it can be hard to get out of bed and these books are telling us I need to do a lot of work to be ‘worthy’ or ‘happy’. “
Related: 12 of the best self-help books for career motivation
Self-help books WON’T HELP if you DON’T actually ACTION any of the ADVICE
But self-help books can offer valuable advice and be genuinely helpful for some readers. Whether that is finance advice from the Barefoot Investor, tips on decluttering your home by Marie Kondo, or one title, suggested by Dr Robinson, Mindset, written by Dr Carol Dweck.
“[Mindset] is written by a highly qualified person with decades of experience with great research behind the concepts,” she says.
And doing this, checking an author’s experience and qualifications is critical when selecting any self-help book, regardless of the topic, says Dr Robinson.
“I would suggest [looking for] formal qualifications, experience and a comprehensive reference list with a good selection of primary sources showing where he/she gets their advice from,” she says.
Dr Robinson then suggests reading the title with a critical eye.
“If this doesn’t exist, you are usually drawing on anecdotes or that person’s opinion backed up by a marketing and sales machine that want you to buy the product.”
And, finally, Dr Robinson adds, if you aren’t embedding the learning from the book into your life it might just be considered a ‘good read’.” In other words, self-help books won’t help if you don’t actually action any of the advice (perhaps that’s where I went wrong?! I did succeed on the exercise front though.)
